Hi Juan, I enjoyed this story, I thought it was simple, which is in keeping with its source story, and told in a very straightforward way. I like the way that you changed the end, because you sympathized with the miser. I would've changed it, too. But, I suppose that I'm not as sympathetic: I would've made it end badly for both the miser and the thief! Your take on it pointed out that, although the miser is a miser, he's still a person and its his gold. He can do what he wants with it, and no one has the right to steal it! One formatting change that I think might help the flow of the story a bit is to add more illustrations earlier in the story. They might help to get the reader in the right frame of mind for what is about to happen. Good job on a really nice story!
Haha, hey Juan, I enjoyed the story a lot. I was waiting on something to happen to the Miser whether it was the trap back fires, or the boy successfully steals the gold but after reading the author's notes I see that what I was expecting was closer to the original ending. As such, I really enjoyed the way you changed the story.
Hey Juan, I thought this story was very interesting. I had never read the original, so I had no idea what to expect with this story. First, I'd like to talk about several things that really caught my attention. I thought you did a great job with explaining how obsessed the Miser was with his gold. The descriptions regarding his viewing the gold from multiple angles and then even having conversations with himself about his gold were really funny. I do wonder how he ended up with all this gold in the first place? That might provide an interesting introduction, and an inclination to either like or dislike the Miser based on the story that you provide. If it is his life's savings from years of hard work, the audience would be more inclined to like the Miser. However, if he had stolen it, people may dislike him. I am also curious as to what ends up happening with the young boy that tries to still his money! I also think that multiple photos could perhaps enhance the creativity of the story! Great job.
Juan, I like how you changed the ending to this story so that the Miser would have the last laugh. The part that stuck out to me the most is when the Miser made coffee before going out to see the guy he caught with his trap. It was funny because I could picture him adding sugar and stuff to the coffee while whistling. I would like to know how the Miser got all of his gold so I think it would be interesting to have background information of how he accumulated so much gold. Also, I’m curious as to why the Miser wanted to trap the guy instead of just confronting him immediately when he saw him spying. I like how the story played out, but what if instead of one guy it was a group of guys and the Miser sets up multiple traps sort of like a Home Alone type of situation. For your website, I like the overall look of it and you say the cover page is coming soon which is the only thing I could’ve critiqued.
Hello Juan! I really enjoyed your story and the way that it was straightforward, but also had enough variation that it wasn't the exact same as the original. I have always thought that this story of the Miser and his gold was really interesting. However, I think there are a few opportunities where you could go back and proof read for grammar and sentence flow and the overall fluency of the story.I also think it might be interesting if you add some details, such as how the miser gained all of his wealth or you could even extend the story and talk about what might happen if he were to loose his death or something along those lines. In it's original form though, I really enjoyed the description you gave about the mirror and why he had it. It was so easy to visualize that he was so selfish and obsessed with his gold and wanted to have an eye on it at all times.
Hello Juan! "The Old Miser" was a great read! It was a straightforward story and had an amazing twist at the end that was much different from the original in fate. In this case, the Miser won in the end. I have never personally read this specific story from Aesop's Fables, but your author's notes did an excellent job condensing the original story down and explaining the main plot lines. It was an interesting route, having the selfish and greedy Miser win in the end. I do wonder, however, how the Miser accumulated so much gold? Where did all this come from? Was it from hard work or the easy way out? This would make his gloating either justified or make him seem even more of a selfish person. I believe if you added this extra component to the story it would provide the perfect backstory and complete the story as a whole. Other than that, it was a great read!
Juan, your story ended up being very different from what I thought it would. Originally, I thought perhaps the young man would be wiser and that the miser would not be able to stop him from stealing the gold. I think this is because we usually associate good people with good endings and bad people with bad endings. I believe that it would make a lot more sense and that the story would flow better overall if the miser had a different character. Since you felt bad for him in the original story, I suggest making him into a person with a good character rather than a greedy one. This way, the reader will not be confused as to why such a greedy man won in the end. What if the miser was a humble man who buried his gold instead of a gloating one? It would be interesting for you to try this out in revisions! Good job!
Hello, Juan! I really enjoyed the new perspective you put on such an old story! I honestly did not expect the old man to outsmart and catch the thief in the end. Since people tend to expect characters to "get what is coming for them" I think that many readers will feel the same amount of surprise I did when the miser got to keep his gold.
One thing that I wondered during the story was why the old man had so much gold in the first place. Had he always been rich, or was he originally poor and that is why he was so happy about the gold? What if you went a little more in depth into the old man's past so that the reader would better understand why he enjoyed gloating so much. Maybe it was his life's savings and he was very proud of it? Also, what did he do with the thief after he caught him?
• Juan, In the story of, The Old Miser, the only note that I have is in the third paragraph you refer to the Miser as an old man which confused me because I thought you were introducing a new character or maybe had meant the young man. You could just change it the say the old Miser like the rest of the story so that reader do not get confused. Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. The Miser was very clever in setting up a trap to catch the thief. In the second story, Escaping the Hacienda, I like that the couple was able to escape from the controlling father. in would be helpful in the author’s notes to explain what a hacienda is. I had no clue and had to google it. Also, where is the girl’s mother, does she have any input on who her daughter gets to marry? Maybe she could help the daughter and peasant escape? I really enjoyed both of your stories and can’t wait to read more from you!
I really enjoyed the story you recreated of "The Old Miser". It took a different turn then I thought as I was beginning to believe that the young boy was going to make it away with the gold. One thing I believe would give more background to the story is to give a small background of the young boy and why he is needing to steal the old misers gold. Even if it is just because he is mischievous or maybe he is stealing to have money for his family. In the second story, I am glad that you did not make the couple leap to their death off a cliff. I actually enjoyed your version of the story much more. The one thing I would consider adding to your story is what an hacienda is? I had to look up what that meant so, at the beginning of your story you could add a description so we could use context clues to figure out what this means. I cant wait for more of your stories because I really liked both of yours and thought they were very creative.
Juan, I had already read your story of the Old Miser for a previous assignment, and I was glad to return to it for a fresh read this week. In Escaping the Hacienda, I think that it would be a good idea to explain what a hacienda is for the reader, as it is obviously a very relevant term to the story, but we do not use this word much in our everyday speech. Overall, the tale flows very well. There are just a few sentences that are a bit weirdly worded. For example, "They approached the horses and glanced over beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner wrapped around the arms of a peasant showing affection to one another." This seems to be a disjointed run-on sentence. I would suggest, "They approached the horses and looked beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner with her arms wrapped around a peasant boy." Good job on this.
Hi Juan! I really like your stories. I think you did a really good job and the attention to detail was great! I liked how you made both stories have a much happier ending for the main characters! I also liked how you changed the setting of the Lovers' Leap story from Laos to Mexico. I think your personal stories of men taking away their lovers really helped you add to your story! It is neat to see people combine their personal experiences with ancient myths and I think you did a really good job with that. Your first story also had a much happier ending, and I thought it was cool how you designed the trap the Miser set for the young man to be something they would actually have back then. I can really tell you have been trying to make these stories seem as realistic as possible! Keep up the good work!
Hi Juan! I would like to start out by complimenting your portfolio set-up. I love that your name came up on the randomized as I actually just did comments on your original story on your other blog. It's awesome getting to read again and take time to revisit the detailing in your story. You did a great job of introducing the town in your story since that is a main component as to why conflict arose in the first place. You also did a great job of introducing all of the characters in play and why the two that found them were concerned and willing to report back to the father. Great story!
Hello Juan. Your first story was short and sweet. I like that you changed the story a little for a different outcome. In my opinion it could have ended in a different way though. I do not have any sympathy for the Miser or the thief. Possibly have it to where a fight broke out and something bad happened to both of them where the gold had no owner and was dispersed to the people around to make the community wealthy. Other than that the photo chosen fits well with the story and it was an easy read. Short stories seem to keep the attention of a reader when the story is simple rather than a longer one. All in all you did a good job and if the ending satisfies you that is what matters. The wheat field at the top is a good choice even though you do not know where it is going because of it.
Hi Juan! I like the layout of your portfolio. I do think you should add more on your home page about your stories. They are very short synapses, and I think adding more would be helpful. I also think you could use more pictures as visual adds on your homepage and throughout your story. I enjoyed your first story. I think some dialogue or at lease insight into what the Miser was thinking would add to your story. I also think you could add more detail to lengthen and strengthen your story. What does the old man look like? Does he have a friendly face? Does he wear glasses? I thoroughly enjoyed your second story. I like that you chose the setting to be in Mexico do to your father's recommendation. I studied the hispanic culture of Honduras thoroughly in one of my international studies classes, and you people running away together despite the fathers disapproval was very common. While your photo depicts a great Hacienda, I think that you should add more photos that depict the scenery of your story. Lastly, I loved that you provided a happier ending than the original story. You are doing a great job and I can't wait to read more!
Hi Juan! Your blog set up is great and so easy to navigate. I like how you have a little intro section about the stories you are telling in you portfolio. I like the changes you made to the story about the old miser, especially the ones about the mirrors because it is just so conceited and very in character for the miser. Does the story still have a message though? Was the message that the miser should be better about hiding his gold or not to gloat? I'm glad he outsmarted the robber and got a happier ending but I felt like he didn't learn anything from the experience. I read Lover's Leap this week and I love your changes to it! The happy ending is especially appreciated. It was so original of you to change the location of the story and put it on a hacienda. Great job!
Hi Juan, First off, I enjoyed reading the miser's story. I thought you did a good job making him a flawed but successful protagonist. I was left curious about what was going to happen to the thief. Obviously he didn't get the gold, but did he go to prison? Did he try again? I am also curious as to how the miser got his gold, since he doesn't seem to work. I think you could set up the hacienda story better by including the prohibition on talking with the owner's family in the same paragraph as you tell how the people in the town think highly of him. It would be an interesting contrast and set up the conflict better. I liked the ending and the initiative of the owner's daughter. It might be good if you worked in more of her personality for more emotional tension. Is there a way to make the home page so that you don't have to click read more to see the full story descriptions?
I read your first story, the old miser. It was connected very well and I enjoyed reading it. It was interesting that the miser was so obsessed with his gold that he would do anything to protect it. I was curious at the end so I have one suggestion, maybe at the end you can add what happened to the little boy. Just to specify if it was the boy who got caught into the trap or was it an animal. I like the picture you included it's always better to have a visual aid. Maybe adding some dialogues at the end would help lengthen your story. Other than that I didn't really see any mistakes. I also like the background setting of your portfolio, it adds that farm like theme to the story. Your site was also easy to navigate so good job on creating a well website. Good luck and I cannot wait to read more stories from you.
Hi Juan, I really enjoyed the two stories I read in your portfolio! I thought your desire to make both of your stories happier endings than the original stories was nice — I especially appreciated in your second story how the owner's daughter was clever enough to find a way to run away with her lover and live "happily ever after." In the story about the miser, I thought you might consider giving some more detail about what happened to the boy who was caught in the trap. Did the miser just let him go after teaching him a lesson? It's hard to know who's the villain and who's the hero in that story, but that's kind of cool — usually it's easy to tell, but in real life, people are flawed and dynamic, so I got that sense from your story. Anyway, good luck on your stories and nice work! Hope I can read more later!
Hello Juan. Your story was kinda bland this time sadly. It hit all the points it looks like you were going for and was grammatically sound. You could visualize everything that was happening easily. I just feel the story was generic and played out like a cheap movie. You could predict what was going to happen from the beginning. Honestly from reading the author's note I enjoyed that better. The jumping off the cliff was a twist that your story needed. It was just lacking in depth and context. We never find out the name of any of the characters, the area of Mexico. What color horses were they? What color was her hair? What time frame or year did this take place? Your story just needed more of a story. These are just my opinions and you can use them or not. I enjoyed your first story so that is why I was let down by this one.
HI there Juan! It is so nice to meet ya! Surprisingly enough, this is the first portfolio I have come across where all the stories are quite different from each other. I have seen others, but the stories sort of went along with each other, so it did not seem like an actual portfolio! Your stories, however, are quite different from each other. I enjoy reading the authors notes at the end, to see where you got your ideas for the stories. The only thing that I can see that I would comment on, because I think your stories are pretty well put together as it is, are the aesthetics of your site itself. I think with some different images, and customizing each story with its own colors and theme, you could really make it pop! Like a different theme highlighting the different aspects of the stories would be so cool! Other than that, great job! Happy writing!
Juan! So nice to meet you! I really enjoyed getting to read your portfolio! Thank you for making all of your stories have happy endings !!! That is so what I'm about here! I really enjoyed that because I feel like it really expressed how you think the stories should end. I think your authors notes are great but you should definitely keep explaining the original stories and expanding on them because it is hard to predict what the next story will be when all of yours are so different from each other! During your revisions it could be a good idea to go back and add a little length to your stories - some more details, description, etc just to really give the stories context but overall I think you are doing a great job! Keep up the good work!
Hello Juan! I really like your portfolio. The Old Miser story is very descriptive. You really thought through the story. Changing the ending of the story was a good idea. However, because the ending was changed, I feel like the impact that the original story was lessened a bit. The miser does not have a comeuppance. Escaping the Hacienda had a much happier ending than the original story. It might be beneficial in the actual story to describe what a hacienda is. like you do in the author's note. It is hard to figure it out with the context clues given. Discovery of horses was a very good story, with a very sad ending. I was expecting them to overcome Short Horn's brother. The whole thing ends rather abruptly. I very much enjoyed reading your stories.
Hello Juan! I really enjoyed the setup and interface of your project website. You did a good job. For this post I will be focusing on your story “Escaping the Hacienda”. When I first read the story I did not know what a “hacienda” was so I am glad that you explained it in your author’s note. I might even suggest you put the explanation higher in your note since it will probably be a question others will have as well. Instead of “They approached the horses and glanced over beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner wrapped around the arms of a peasant showing affection to one another.” you may want to try “They approached the horses and glanced over beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner wrapped around the arms of a peasant and they were showing affection to one another.” It was odd to read. I your last paragraph it seems like you are missing the part where she climbs down the sheets.
Hey Juan! I really enjoyed your portfolio! I am glad you made each story different from each other. I did the same thing in my portfolio but going along through the semester to me it felt like a lot of the class had a continuing story or all the stories tied together somehow. To me the portfolio was supposed to be different stories! You did a good job of descriptions in all your stories and I felt you retold the stories well. All of your stories had a happy ending and that was good. I did the opposite and most of my stories ended negatively, I thought the happy ending was a little to normal for me and I wanted to change things up to surprise people a bit, but to each is own. It was great reading your stories!
Hi Juan,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this story, I thought it was simple, which is in keeping with its source story, and told in a very straightforward way. I like the way that you changed the end, because you sympathized with the miser. I would've changed it, too. But, I suppose that I'm not as sympathetic: I would've made it end badly for both the miser and the thief! Your take on it pointed out that, although the miser is a miser, he's still a person and its his gold. He can do what he wants with it, and no one has the right to steal it! One formatting change that I think might help the flow of the story a bit is to add more illustrations earlier in the story. They might help to get the reader in the right frame of mind for what is about to happen. Good job on a really nice story!
Haha, hey Juan,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the story a lot. I was waiting on something to happen to the Miser whether it was the trap back fires, or the boy successfully steals the gold but after reading the author's notes I see that what I was expecting was closer to the original ending. As such, I really enjoyed the way you changed the story.
Hey Juan,
ReplyDeleteI thought this story was very interesting. I had never read the original, so I had no idea what to expect with this story. First, I'd like to talk about several things that really caught my attention. I thought you did a great job with explaining how obsessed the Miser was with his gold. The descriptions regarding his viewing the gold from multiple angles and then even having conversations with himself about his gold were really funny.
I do wonder how he ended up with all this gold in the first place? That might provide an interesting introduction, and an inclination to either like or dislike the Miser based on the story that you provide. If it is his life's savings from years of hard work, the audience would be more inclined to like the Miser. However, if he had stolen it, people may dislike him. I am also curious as to what ends up happening with the young boy that tries to still his money!
I also think that multiple photos could perhaps enhance the creativity of the story!
Great job.
Juan, I like how you changed the ending to this story so that the Miser would have the last laugh. The part that stuck out to me the most is when the Miser made coffee before going out to see the guy he caught with his trap. It was funny because I could picture him adding sugar and stuff to the coffee while whistling. I would like to know how the Miser got all of his gold so I think it would be interesting to have background information of how he accumulated so much gold. Also, I’m curious as to why the Miser wanted to trap the guy instead of just confronting him immediately when he saw him spying. I like how the story played out, but what if instead of one guy it was a group of guys and the Miser sets up multiple traps sort of like a Home Alone type of situation. For your website, I like the overall look of it and you say the cover page is coming soon which is the only thing I could’ve critiqued.
ReplyDeleteHello Juan! I really enjoyed your story and the way that it was straightforward, but also had enough variation that it wasn't the exact same as the original. I have always thought that this story of the Miser and his gold was really interesting. However, I think there are a few opportunities where you could go back and proof read for grammar and sentence flow and the overall fluency of the story.I also think it might be interesting if you add some details, such as how the miser gained all of his wealth or you could even extend the story and talk about what might happen if he were to loose his death or something along those lines. In it's original form though, I really enjoyed the description you gave about the mirror and why he had it. It was so easy to visualize that he was so selfish and obsessed with his gold and wanted to have an eye on it at all times.
ReplyDeleteHello Juan!
ReplyDelete"The Old Miser" was a great read! It was a straightforward story and had an amazing twist at the end that was much different from the original in fate. In this case, the Miser won in the end. I have never personally read this specific story from Aesop's Fables, but your author's notes did an excellent job condensing the original story down and explaining the main plot lines. It was an interesting route, having the selfish and greedy Miser win in the end. I do wonder, however, how the Miser accumulated so much gold? Where did all this come from? Was it from hard work or the easy way out? This would make his gloating either justified or make him seem even more of a selfish person. I believe if you added this extra component to the story it would provide the perfect backstory and complete the story as a whole. Other than that, it was a great read!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJuan, your story ended up being very different from what I thought it would. Originally, I thought perhaps the young man would be wiser and that the miser would not be able to stop him from stealing the gold. I think this is because we usually associate good people with good endings and bad people with bad endings. I believe that it would make a lot more sense and that the story would flow better overall if the miser had a different character. Since you felt bad for him in the original story, I suggest making him into a person with a good character rather than a greedy one. This way, the reader will not be confused as to why such a greedy man won in the end. What if the miser was a humble man who buried his gold instead of a gloating one? It would be interesting for you to try this out in revisions! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHello, Juan! I really enjoyed the new perspective you put on such an old story! I honestly did not expect the old man to outsmart and catch the thief in the end. Since people tend to expect characters to "get what is coming for them" I think that many readers will feel the same amount of surprise I did when the miser got to keep his gold.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I wondered during the story was why the old man had so much gold in the first place. Had he always been rich, or was he originally poor and that is why he was so happy about the gold? What if you went a little more in depth into the old man's past so that the reader would better understand why he enjoyed gloating so much. Maybe it was his life's savings and he was very proud of it? Also, what did he do with the thief after he caught him?
Great work!
• Juan, In the story of, The Old Miser, the only note that I have is in the third paragraph you refer to the Miser as an old man which confused me because I thought you were introducing a new character or maybe had meant the young man. You could just change it the say the old Miser like the rest of the story so that reader do not get confused. Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. The Miser was very clever in setting up a trap to catch the thief. In the second story, Escaping the Hacienda, I like that the couple was able to escape from the controlling father. in would be helpful in the author’s notes to explain what a hacienda is. I had no clue and had to google it. Also, where is the girl’s mother, does she have any input on who her daughter gets to marry? Maybe she could help the daughter and peasant escape? I really enjoyed both of your stories and can’t wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteJuan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story you recreated of "The Old Miser". It took a different turn then I thought as I was beginning to believe that the young boy was going to make it away with the gold. One thing I believe would give more background to the story is to give a small background of the young boy and why he is needing to steal the old misers gold. Even if it is just because he is mischievous or maybe he is stealing to have money for his family. In the second story, I am glad that you did not make the couple leap to their death off a cliff. I actually enjoyed your version of the story much more. The one thing I would consider adding to your story is what an hacienda is? I had to look up what that meant so, at the beginning of your story you could add a description so we could use context clues to figure out what this means. I cant wait for more of your stories because I really liked both of yours and thought they were very creative.
Juan, I had already read your story of the Old Miser for a previous assignment, and I was glad to return to it for a fresh read this week. In Escaping the Hacienda, I think that it would be a good idea to explain what a hacienda is for the reader, as it is obviously a very relevant term to the story, but we do not use this word much in our everyday speech. Overall, the tale flows very well. There are just a few sentences that are a bit weirdly worded. For example, "They approached the horses and glanced over beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner wrapped around the arms of a peasant showing affection to one another." This seems to be a disjointed run-on sentence. I would suggest, "They approached the horses and looked beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner with her arms wrapped around a peasant boy." Good job on this.
ReplyDeleteHi Juan! I really like your stories. I think you did a really good job and the attention to detail was great! I liked how you made both stories have a much happier ending for the main characters! I also liked how you changed the setting of the Lovers' Leap story from Laos to Mexico. I think your personal stories of men taking away their lovers really helped you add to your story! It is neat to see people combine their personal experiences with ancient myths and I think you did a really good job with that. Your first story also had a much happier ending, and I thought it was cool how you designed the trap the Miser set for the young man to be something they would actually have back then. I can really tell you have been trying to make these stories seem as realistic as possible! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Juan!
ReplyDeleteI would like to start out by complimenting your portfolio set-up.
I love that your name came up on the randomized as I actually just did comments on your original story on your other blog. It's awesome getting to read again and take time to revisit the detailing in your story.
You did a great job of introducing the town in your story since that is a main component as to why conflict arose in the first place. You also did a great job of introducing all of the characters in play and why the two that found them were concerned and willing to report back to the father.
Great story!
Hello Juan. Your first story was short and sweet. I like that you changed the story a little for a different outcome. In my opinion it could have ended in a different way though. I do not have any sympathy for the Miser or the thief. Possibly have it to where a fight broke out and something bad happened to both of them where the gold had no owner and was dispersed to the people around to make the community wealthy. Other than that the photo chosen fits well with the story and it was an easy read. Short stories seem to keep the attention of a reader when the story is simple rather than a longer one. All in all you did a good job and if the ending satisfies you that is what matters. The wheat field at the top is a good choice even though you do not know where it is going because of it.
ReplyDeleteHi Juan!
ReplyDeleteI like the layout of your portfolio. I do think you should add more on your home page about your stories. They are very short synapses, and I think adding more would be helpful. I also think you could use more pictures as visual adds on your homepage and throughout your story.
I enjoyed your first story. I think some dialogue or at lease insight into what the Miser was thinking would add to your story. I also think you could add more detail to lengthen and strengthen your story. What does the old man look like? Does he have a friendly face? Does he wear glasses?
I thoroughly enjoyed your second story. I like that you chose the setting to be in Mexico do to your father's recommendation. I studied the hispanic culture of Honduras thoroughly in one of my international studies classes, and you people running away together despite the fathers disapproval was very common. While your photo depicts a great Hacienda, I think that you should add more photos that depict the scenery of your story. Lastly, I loved that you provided a happier ending than the original story. You are doing a great job and I can't wait to read more!
Hi Juan! Your blog set up is great and so easy to navigate. I like how you have a little intro section about the stories you are telling in you portfolio. I like the changes you made to the story about the old miser, especially the ones about the mirrors because it is just so conceited and very in character for the miser. Does the story still have a message though? Was the message that the miser should be better about hiding his gold or not to gloat? I'm glad he outsmarted the robber and got a happier ending but I felt like he didn't learn anything from the experience. I read Lover's Leap this week and I love your changes to it! The happy ending is especially appreciated. It was so original of you to change the location of the story and put it on a hacienda. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Juan,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I enjoyed reading the miser's story. I thought you did a good job making him a flawed but successful protagonist. I was left curious about what was going to happen to the thief. Obviously he didn't get the gold, but did he go to prison? Did he try again? I am also curious as to how the miser got his gold, since he doesn't seem to work.
I think you could set up the hacienda story better by including the prohibition on talking with the owner's family in the same paragraph as you tell how the people in the town think highly of him. It would be an interesting contrast and set up the conflict better. I liked the ending and the initiative of the owner's daughter. It might be good if you worked in more of her personality for more emotional tension.
Is there a way to make the home page so that you don't have to click read more to see the full story descriptions?
Hi Juan,
ReplyDeleteI read your first story, the old miser. It was connected very well and I enjoyed reading it. It was interesting that the miser was so obsessed with his gold that he would do anything to protect it. I was curious at the end so I have one suggestion, maybe at the end you can add what happened to the little boy. Just to specify if it was the boy who got caught into the trap or was it an animal. I like the picture you included it's always better to have a visual aid. Maybe adding some dialogues at the end would help lengthen your story. Other than that I didn't really see any mistakes. I also like the background setting of your portfolio, it adds that farm like theme to the story. Your site was also easy to navigate so good job on creating a well website. Good luck and I cannot wait to read more stories from you.
Hi Juan, I really enjoyed the two stories I read in your portfolio! I thought your desire to make both of your stories happier endings than the original stories was nice — I especially appreciated in your second story how the owner's daughter was clever enough to find a way to run away with her lover and live "happily ever after." In the story about the miser, I thought you might consider giving some more detail about what happened to the boy who was caught in the trap. Did the miser just let him go after teaching him a lesson? It's hard to know who's the villain and who's the hero in that story, but that's kind of cool — usually it's easy to tell, but in real life, people are flawed and dynamic, so I got that sense from your story. Anyway, good luck on your stories and nice work! Hope I can read more later!
ReplyDeleteHello Juan. Your story was kinda bland this time sadly. It hit all the points it looks like you were going for and was grammatically sound. You could visualize everything that was happening easily. I just feel the story was generic and played out like a cheap movie. You could predict what was going to happen from the beginning. Honestly from reading the author's note I enjoyed that better. The jumping off the cliff was a twist that your story needed. It was just lacking in depth and context. We never find out the name of any of the characters, the area of Mexico. What color horses were they? What color was her hair? What time frame or year did this take place? Your story just needed more of a story. These are just my opinions and you can use them or not. I enjoyed your first story so that is why I was let down by this one.
ReplyDeleteHI there Juan! It is so nice to meet ya!
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly enough, this is the first portfolio I have come across where all the stories are quite different from each other. I have seen others, but the stories sort of went along with each other, so it did not seem like an actual portfolio! Your stories, however, are quite different from each other. I enjoy reading the authors notes at the end, to see where you got your ideas for the stories.
The only thing that I can see that I would comment on, because I think your stories are pretty well put together as it is, are the aesthetics of your site itself. I think with some different images, and customizing each story with its own colors and theme, you could really make it pop! Like a different theme highlighting the different aspects of the stories would be so cool!
Other than that, great job! Happy writing!
Juan! So nice to meet you! I really enjoyed getting to read your portfolio! Thank you for making all of your stories have happy endings !!! That is so what I'm about here! I really enjoyed that because I feel like it really expressed how you think the stories should end. I think your authors notes are great but you should definitely keep explaining the original stories and expanding on them because it is hard to predict what the next story will be when all of yours are so different from each other! During your revisions it could be a good idea to go back and add a little length to your stories - some more details, description, etc just to really give the stories context but overall I think you are doing a great job! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello Juan!
ReplyDeleteI really like your portfolio. The Old Miser story is very descriptive. You really thought through the story. Changing the ending of the story was a good idea. However, because the ending was changed, I feel like the impact that the original story was lessened a bit. The miser does not have a comeuppance.
Escaping the Hacienda had a much happier ending than the original story. It might be beneficial in the actual story to describe what a hacienda is. like you do in the author's note. It is hard to figure it out with the context clues given.
Discovery of horses was a very good story, with a very sad ending. I was expecting them to overcome Short Horn's brother. The whole thing ends rather abruptly.
I very much enjoyed reading your stories.
Hello Juan!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the setup and interface of your project website. You did a good job. For this post I will be focusing on your story “Escaping the Hacienda”. When I first read the story I did not know what a “hacienda” was so I am glad that you explained it in your author’s note. I might even suggest you put the explanation higher in your note since it will probably be a question others will have as well. Instead of “They approached the horses and glanced over beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner wrapped around the arms of a peasant showing affection to one another.” you may want to try “They approached the horses and glanced over beyond them to see the daughter of the hacienda owner wrapped around the arms of a peasant and they were showing affection to one another.” It was odd to read. I your last paragraph it seems like you are missing the part where she climbs down the sheets.
Hey Juan!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your portfolio! I am glad you made each story different from each other. I did the same thing in my portfolio but going along through the semester to me it felt like a lot of the class had a continuing story or all the stories tied together somehow. To me the portfolio was supposed to be different stories! You did a good job of descriptions in all your stories and I felt you retold the stories well. All of your stories had a happy ending and that was good. I did the opposite and most of my stories ended negatively, I thought the happy ending was a little to normal for me and I wanted to change things up to surprise people a bit, but to each is own. It was great reading your stories!